Every year, I get a few special personalities in my class. This year is no exception. Here are a few, detailed for your reading enjoyment.
My Little Old Man
This boy just cracks me up. He's like an old man trapped in a little boy's body. He always has some clever insight to offer, and he does it in the most serious voice imaginable. Some choice quotes from the past few weeks:
~ My Little Old Man (LOM) has the same first name as another boy in my room. Sometimes I forget, and just call the first name and both boys come over to me. Last week, I called one boy over, and LOM came to my desk instead. "Oh, sorry... I meant the other one," I said.
"Why don't you just say Santos?" LOM asked, clearly exasperated.
"Because his last name is Martinez," I replied.
He threw up his hands in disgust. "Santos, Martinez, what's the difference?"
~ I was eating instant oatmeal one morning while the kids were unpacking. Some of the kiddos were sniffing the air. "Ooh, what smells like pie?" ... "No it's apples!" ... "Miss M, are you eating pie?"
I held up the container. "It's oatmeal," I informed them.
Noses wrinkled. "Oatmeal? Ewww," said one little guy. I defended my breakfast choice. "Oatmeal is very tasty. And good for you."
Then LOM spoke up: "Yeah, and it's good for your colon."
Ahem. Why, yes. Yes it is.
This boy constantly looks stoned. He stares into space, he looks disoriented, he frequently forgets anything and everything that he's supposed to be responsible for, and then looks confused when I ask him about it. At least once a day, I hear one of the following two phrases leave his mouth: "Miss M? I can't find my _______." or "What? I didn't hear you." DRIVES ME NUTS. Some of his more memorable moments include:
~ I was talking to the kids about the importance of completing homework. I said, "When I go to school at night, I get homework, too. And I always do my homework." Stoner looked at me, amazed, and said, "Dude, you go to school?" I think I laughed for about 3 full minutes. The next day, he said to me, "Miss M, remember when I called you dude?" Um, yeah... that was yesterday, dude.
~ Once a week, a seminarian (man studying to be a priest) from our parish comes in to teach religion. This week's lesson included the oh so engaging task of coloring a picture. (He's not the most creative lesson planner.) I heard quiet singing while the kids were coloring, so I casually strolled toward its source. As I got closer, I could see that my musician was none other than Stoner. His song of choice? "Ninety-nine bottle of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer..." sung with a look of uncharacteristic concentration on his face as he colored his picture of Jesus.
My job is so fun.